Love Me Guru: Bean In Love

Dear Love Me Guru: Bean In Love

I’ve been dating “Stephanie” for three months, and it’s been amazing. When we first met at a friend’s party, we talked the whole night, bantering back and forth. It was fun and attractive. We started to spend time together and get to know each other better. Every time I learned something new about Stephanie, I wanted to know more. She’s kind, and funny, and intelligent, and sexy. We have an awesome connection, great chemistry, and we’re on the same page in a lot of areas.

What I feel for Stephanie is a new experience, and even though it’s only been three short months, I think I’m in love with her. I want to make sure it’s real love though because I don’t think I’ve ever been in love. How can I know for certain that what I feel is the real deal?

– Unsure in Love

Dear Unsure in Love,

This simple definition should help you:

Love, n. A temporary insanity curable by marriage. — Ambrose Bierce

Just kidding! You’ve asked one of life’s great questions: How can I know if I’m in love?

The greatest minds of the human family have tried to answer it throughout the ages. They’ve attempted to explain it in paintings, sculptures, movies, songs, essays, poems, and personal sacrifice. As one writer put it, love “is at once more amorphous than art, more single-minded than science, and more philosophical than philosophy itself.”


Love is both a universal experience and a singular one. It is universal because every single member of the human family experiences Love during their life. At the same time, it is singular because when you love, it is a personal, tailor–made experience suited to you, your heart, and your beloved.

Expressions of Love have similarities, but they are as unique as your fingerprints. Only you can express the Love in your heart. Only your Love has the power to reveal your soul. Only your Love changes the world around you.

Love is always on time. It never procrastinates or delays. Rather, it anticipates and prepares. If you feel it’s not the right time or that it’s taking too long, it’s because you’re not ready. Many miss out on love because it catches them unprepared or because they are too afraid to try. But don’t worry . . . Love is patient and knows how to wait.

Love changes paupers into kings, maidens into queens, the mundane to mystical, the dull to exhilarating, the painful to pleasure. It creates a microcosmos of you and your beloved. It expands your heart beyond the confines of your body. It knits your soul to the soul of your beloved. It becomes the meridian of your time. Everything before is ancient history. Everything after is promising future. Every moment in the presence of your beloved is all that matters.

While Shakespeare’s King Richard III would have traded his kingdom for a horse, Love trades it all for the safety, comfort, and happiness of the beloved. It gives without seeking reward. It comforts despite its own discomfort. It shines its light on the Beloved and ignores the limelight.

One of life’s great miracles is that despite how improbable it seems, Love is as frequent as the sunrise.

Love is the root of all good.

Do & Feel

When it comes to Love, many trip because they think and over-think it. They believe that if they just “figure it out,” then they’ll be sure about Love.

Love is a principle of action, so you don’t think your way to Love. It’s not a way of thinking. It’s a way of being. You love your way to it. Meaning you do Love. You give Love. You embody Love. You do it as best you can without concern for reciprocation.

If you wish to be certain about your Love, be still, quiet your mind, and listen to the wisdom of your heart. It knows. Trust it! More importantly: Show your Love!


So how can you know if you really Love someone?

Remember those bean experiments in elementary school? The ones where you took home a bean in a jar or plastic bag? The assignment was to water the bean, and give it enough sunlight so it would sprout.

Love is like those little beans.

It’s cultivated, rather than something you “fall into.” Most often it happens slowly over a period of time. The only thing that magically sprouts overnight is Jack’s beanstalk.

And zits. But we won’t get into that.

Love at first sight does exist, and it strikes more powerfully than a lightning bolt. But the initial flash of light and charge of energy will not last without cultivating Love.

If you plant the bean of Love in your heart, and don’t throw it out because of doubt or fear, then Love will begin to grow within you. When you feel Love grow, you’ll notice the first signs.

Those first signs of Love will cause you to wonder: “Is this Love?” There will be a shift within you so subtle, you won’t even know it’s happened. Soon that shift snowballs and grows and grows and grows, until it becomes a driving force in your life. Then you can be confident that you’re cultivating Love.

Not every bean sprouts, and not every sprout grows. Similarly, not every Love you plant in your heart will sprout, and not every Love that sprouts will grow into the evergreen tree of Love. If a planted Love doesn’t sprout or grow, you can be sure it wasn’t the Love for you.

Every true Love planted will sprout and grow because you will nourish, cultivate, and tend that Love. On the other hand, a Love that isn’t for you will go unattended, neglected, and abandoned. The growth of Love within you is in your control.

If it sets roots, it’s because you cultivated Love in your heart. If it is choked by fear, dried up by doubt, and scorched by the challenges of life, it’s because you neglected it.

As the bean of Love sprouts, grows, and flourishes into the evergreen tree, you will want to harvest its fruit. The fruit from the evergreen tree of Love is the most delicious and precious of all the things you can obtain in this life. It is most fulfilling to the soul. If you feel yourself wanting to cultivate the bean of Love, to nourish the sprout, to tend the growing tree, and to harvest the delicious and precious fruit; then you can rest assured that the Love you feel is real and true.


When you did the bean experiment as a kid, you had no idea what would happen. But that didn’t stop you from trying. You trusted what you’d been taught. You believed that anything was possible. You imagined your bean growing as big as Jack’s beanstalk.

Keep that same childlike belief about Love. Believe you can plant Love in your heart. Be open to it. You don’t know what will happen, but believe anything is possible. Imagine your Love sprouting, and growing, and flourishing. And before you know it, your Love will be a giant beanstalk too.

Thank You For Reading!

Dear Love Me Guru is written for the Love Me Run blog by Limhi Montoya –the most authentic coach in the world.

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