Dear Love Me Guru,
I’m going through a bit of a dry spell right now. The last time I dated someone was over a year and a half ago. Right after my last relationship, I decided to take a break from dating because I felt I needed time to heal. Once I felt I was in a good place, I started dating again. But I haven’t had much luck.
It’s not that I haven’t been trying. I have! I’m pretty outgoing, and put myself out there. Especially when I’m interested in someone. I want to be in a relationship again, and I’m actively seeking opportunities to meet other singles, and to find someone special.
But right now, I just don’t know what else to do. I’ve tried the bar scene, I’ve tried singles groups, I’ve even been setup by friends and colleagues. I’ve worked on myself by developing new skills, and hobbies, and trying out new things. I’ve tried EVERYTHING!
So far nothing has panned out. I do go out on dates. Every now and then it seems like a romance begins to blossom, and then POOF! It fades away. What else can I do to attract the relationship I’m looking for?
– Dry Spell
Dear Dry Spell,
Have you ever been thirsty? I’m not talking about Urban Dictionary definition of thirsty. I mean really, really thirsty? The kind of thirsty you get when you’ve been wandering in the desert for hours.
Your lips dry up, and if you go long enough, they crack. Your mouth becomes parched, your tongue sticky, and the back of your throat itches. Go even longer, and then your whole body begins to crave water.
When you’re single, it sometimes feels like you’re walking through a desert. You get thirsty for love and there’s none in sight. If you’ve been single for an extended period, it feels like you’re waiting for a rain drop in a drought. Those dry spells really parch the heart, and soon the unbearable thirst drives you to seek love anywhere. Even in a person that’s not a good match for you. Those are called mirages.
The thing about mirages is that they’re very appealing, and appear to be the real deal. But once you get close, the illusion disappears, and you’re left with nothing. I’ve seen singles driven by thirst go from mirage to mirage, only to be disappointed again and again.
You know who those mirages are. They’re the ones who talk a big game, but when it comes to action, or commitment, or vulnerability; they don’t follow through, don’t show any effort, and are not emotionally available. They’re the ones who look promising at first, but as you get closer to them, you realize they really don’t have much to offer you.
Don’t go chasing mirages.
What you want to search for is an oasis. A spot where water and vegetation grow. A refuge from the desert heat. A safe place for you to rest.
The interesting thing about oases is that they have layers. The top layer is the tall palm trees which provide shade. The middle layer is smaller fruit trees. The bottom layer is vegetables, grains, and shrubs. All of these layers are sustained by underground rivers of water that surface and hydrate the area.
So how do you find an oasis? Look for the tall palm trees.
Look for individuals who stand tall in character, integrity, and honesty. These persons will provide shade to others in the form of service, compassion, encouragement, and laughter. If you look closely, you’ll notice they have around them others who bear the fruits of friendship, of community, and of belonging. An even closer look will reveal that all of them are sustained by waters of purpose, love, growth, and contribution.
Oases come in many forms. They can be a tribe, a dinner party, a service group, or a coed dodgeball team. The best oases are friendships. Friends give you shade in times of heat. They offer a refuge from dry spells, and help you avoid mirages. They are fruitful during droughts.
Look for these oases in the desert of single life. They’re out there. And they’ll help you on your way to your final destination.
The Love Me Run is an oasis. It brings together single professionals who stand tall in values, selfless service to others, and purpose. Everyone involved in the Love Me, from its founder, to the volunteers, to the participants, all help create a unique experience which truly becomes an oasis of fun, laughter, connection, friendship, and love.
One last bit of advice: Don’t try so hard.
When you’re single and want a relationship, it can take up a lot of your focus. You begin to worry, and be anxious, and obsess over whether or not a potential relationship is blooming. And pretty soon, like Cinderella’s step sisters trying on the glass slipper, you begin to “try” on a relationship that isn’t meant for you. You try, and try, and try. But all you are doing is forcing something that isn’t real.
Nature has a rhythm and timing all of its own. The Universe follows a set course and never fails. The relationship that is meant for you is on it’s way. Follow these bits of wisdom from the Persian poet Rumi:
“What you seek is seeking you.”
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
So don’t try so hard.
Our next event will be in beautiful Santa Monica, CA on Saturday, 12 November, 2016. Come be a part of a community of fitness minded professionals who like to connect with others, have fun, be healthy, and possibly find love.
Love Me Run — Matchmaking 5K, is the NEW alternative to the swipe left mentality. Live human interaction is way better!
If you have any questions about Love Me Run, please write to firstname.lastname@example.org.
THANK YOU FOR READING!
Dear Love Me Guru is written for the Love Me Run blog. The writer, Limhi Montoya, is the most authentic coach in the world.
If you’d like to submit a question or comment for the blog, or want to learn how to thrive now, write to email@example.com or visit www.theauthentic.coach.